We are nearing the end of our journey, friends! This summer love will soon, sadly, be coming to an end. This week, the story moves along at a shockingly brisk pace. Even more surprisingly, gone is the jumping around between locales. We spend most of our time in the good old Pacific Northwest. That means no Dale Cooper (Dougie version OR evil Fonz version), no Las Vegas, no gangsters and evildoers. In fact, it was very nearly like an entirely different television show. Let’s jump in!SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: In Buckhorn, South Dakota, Gordon Cole calls the Twin Peaks sheriff’s department and speaks to Frank Truman (not Harry, as he was expecting). Frank relays the information about finding Laura’s diary pages and makes a special mention about the references to ‘two Coopers’. Meanwhile, Albert tells Tammy about the first ever Blue Rose case: Olympia, Washington in 1975. A woman named Lois Duffy shoots her doppelgänger in a motel. Gordon Cole and Philip Jeffries arrive on the scene to investigate, just as the doppelgänger utters the words ‘I’m like the blue rose’, then dies and her body disappears. Tammy listens to the tale and makes the connection that a blue rose is not a natural occurrence in the world, just like Lois Duffy’s doppelgänger. SIDE NOTE: How did Gordon know that the Teresa Banks’ murder was a Blue Rose case? Unless my memory is failing me, I thought that all of the circumstances of Teresa’s death pointed to just another random, senseless act of violence.
Gordon enters the room, followed by Diane shortly after. Being questioned by Gordon, Diane admits that Agent Cooper talked about Major Briggs during their last meeting years ago. When Albert reveals the inscription on the ring that was found inside Briggs’ dead body, Diane makes the shocking announcement that the very same Janey-E is her half-sister! Ok, I have just a few questions about this revelation. First off, SERIOUSLY? If Janey-E is really Diane’s sister, that would be either a remarkable, world-spinning coincidence or evidence of a nefarious plot to involve Diane in a supernatural murder involving the doppelgänger of her former boss. Gordon and Albert don’t even bother to ask her anything about this for some reason. The only information she gives is that Janey-E and Dougie live in Las Vegas. Secondly, we are aware that Diane is a double agent and anything she tells the FBI cannot be trusted. In which case, Janey-E is NOT her sister and she is lying about their connection just to point the FBI towards Las Vegas. But why would Diane, currently on a Snapstreak with Bad Cooper, want the FBI to find Dougie? Hutch and Chantal the Slut are on their way to kill Dougie. What part of Bad Cooper’s plan would involve the FBI recovering the real Agent Cooper before he is murdered? Maybe Diane isn’t evil after all? We have seen her receive those text messages, but she hasn’t done anything inherently awful yet (that we know of). How did the ring get inside Briggs’ body anyway? Was it out there on purpose or was it a result of a kind of magic when Dougie was in the Lodge? Aghhaghhhgh! I need to watch these last four episodes NOW. I feel like I’m trapped in Lynchian Limbo.
Gordon Cole calls the Las Vegas FBI branch to get them to find Dougie and Janey-E. The Vegas FBI seems pretty incompetent like most of the law enforcement in this show, so I’m sure that Dougie will be found sometime in season 6. Now we reach the pivotal scene in which Gordon recounts his cryptic ‘Monica Bellucci dream’ to Albert and Tammy. He implies that he has had Monica Bellucci dreams before, so apparently this Italian model has been guiding murder investigations for a while now…weird. In the dream, Gordon meets up with Monica and friends at a Parisian cafe. Cooper is there, but Gordon can’t see his face. They sit and drink coffee and Monica says ‘We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives inside the dream. But who is the dreamer?’ Gordon looks behind him and sees a younger version of himself — it’s the scene in Fire Walk With Me when Philip Jeffries enters the Philadelphia FBI office. Gordon recalls Jeffries pointing at Cooper and asking who he is, which stirs Albert’s memory as well. So the FBI knows there are two Coopers out there, they know about the existence of Dougie, now all that’s left is for them to GET TO VEGAS AND BRING OUR SPECIAL AGENT HOME.
JACK RABBIT’S PALACE! TONIGHT! ONE NIGHT ONLY!: At the Twin Peaks police station, Andy brings sandwiches and Deputy Chad is unceremoniously arrested and jailed for…something. Drugs, I imagine. Then we are off to the woods! Truman, Hawk, Bobby, and Andy trek through the forest in the afternoon and arrive at Jack Rabbit’s Palace, which is just a huge dead tree stump in the ground. Following the instructions written on Major Briggs’ note, they fill their pockets with soil and walk east. Lo and behold, Briggs’ prediction comes true! Amid a bunch of fog and electrical flashes, they come across the eyeless Asian woman from part 3, the one who met up with Cooper in the castle on the purple sea. The last time we saw her, she had been flung out into space. Now she is laying naked in the woods, still eyeless and trying desperately to communicate to everyone, but her voice still comes out like just a bunch of warbled noises (the subtitles referred to her speech as ‘whimpering shakily’ and ‘chattering oddly’, which amused me). Then, at exactly 2:53pm, a huge vortex opens up in the sky just inside the woods. As the policeman stand and stare at this giant, swirling maelstrom, Andy disappears and is transported to the black-and-white room where The Giant and Ladyfriend hung out back in part 8. Andy sits in a chair directly across from The Giant, who says that he is the Fireman. He is also ?????, according to the credits. He is a lot of things. A strange object appears in Andy’s hands. I’m going to refer to it as a box, simply because I have no idea what it is just by looking at it. But calling it a ‘box’ comes reasonably close. Fog rises from the box and Andy’s attention is drawn to the huge circular skylight above him. Inside the skylight, he witnesses a replay of events we have seen in the show already: the monster in the glass box, the convenience store in New Mexico, ‘Got a light?’, Laura Palmer’s face surrounded by angels, the eyeless Asian woman, the telephone pole with the number 6 on it. He also sees two things we HAVEN’T observed before: Cooper’s face breaking and dissolving with the face of Bad Cooper, and he also sees himself leading Lucy down a hallway. After the slideshow, Andy disappears from the black-and-white room and is back in the woods in Twin Peaks at Jack Rabbit’s Palace, carrying the Asian woman and telling the others that people want her dead and she must be protected. Truman and Hawk can’t remember what just happened to them. I’m not sure if Andy even remembers his trip to the cosmos or not.
Back at the police station, Lucy gives the Asian woman some pajamas and Andy locks her safely in one of the jail cells. But how safe is she really? Deputy Chad is locked up nearby and he is surly and angry. In the cell across from Chad, a haggard and injured man sits, dripping blood from his mouth, repeating Chad’s words back to him and making bizarre squawking noises. Don’t they have safe houses in Twin Peaks? The eyeless chick would be so much safer there than she is hanging around these two derelicts.
HAND IN GLOVE: Outside the Great Northern Hotel, James and Freddie sit and talk. We discover that Freddie can break nuts open with his gloved hand and we also discover that James is now working as a security guard for the hotel (You mean he’s not a famous musician? I CAN’T BELIEVE IT). To placate James on his birthday, Freddie tells the story of how he found this magical gardening glove and why he can’t seem to ever take it off. HERE’S THE STORY: Six months ago in London, Freddie was walking home after drinking at the pub with his friends when he was sucked up into a vortex (these vortexes are everywhere nowadays, huh?). The Fireman appeared to him, instructing him to go to a particular hardware store and buy a specific green gardening glove. He told Freddie that if he puts the glove on his right hand, he will possess unthinkable power. Then he must go to Twin Peaks, Washington, where he will find his destiny. This all sounds way too similar to the visions that would occur to me when I used to drink Natty Ice. The next day, Freddie has problems purchasing the glove, leading to him running off with the glove on his hand and getting into a physical altercation with the hardware store owner. Freddie punches at him in self defense and realizes the power of the glove when he hears bones crack in the shopkeeper’s face. James doesn’t question the validity of this story at all (A vortex and a mysterious fireman and a magical glove that gives you the power of Thor! Oh but of course! It should have been obvious!), but then again it is almost too weird to make up. After story time is over, James goes to check out the furnaces at the Great Northern and isn’t that the mysterious ringing sound that we hear? I wonder if any of this ringing in the hotel’s furnace area has anything to do with the dream that Cooper had back in season one where Mike shot BOB in a furnace area.
THERE’S A SHE-WOLF IN THE CLOSET: Sarah Palmer sits at Elk’s Point Bar, just trying to enjoy a Bloody Mary in peace because apparently she has run out of alcohol at home. A truck driver sitting in the corner tries to make a move on her, but Sarah isn’t looking for love tonight. Her attempts to rebuff his advances only make him crude and hostile, and he starts calling her a ‘lesbo’ (it’s funny how rednecks still attempt to use accusations of homosexuality as an insult). Having had enough of all this, here’s where it gets crazy. Sarah PULLS HER FACE OFF (just like Laura did in the Lodge when she met up with Dale again), revealing a set of teeth against a black backdrop that is all INSIDE OF THE HOLE WHERE HER FACE USED TO BE. I swear we see some sort of bug in there too. Sarah HAS to be the girl in New Mexico who had the frog-roach crawl into her mouth. It’s all starting to make sense, yet somehow I’m even more confused by the implications if this is true. Sarah suddenly snaps at the redneck’s throat, attacking him with the same ferocity that we saw unleashed upon Sam and Tracey in the premiere. Is that same monster from the glass box inside Sarah somehow? I can only speculate. The redneck falls to the floor, dead. Sarah switches back to being the innocent older woman, shocked at this man’s sudden death. The bartender seems a bit suspicious of her. Hopefully this seedy bar doesn’t have any security cameras or else everyone is going to be in for a real surprise.
The show ends at the Roadhouse, as has been the norm for this season. Two women sit and talk about Billy AKA the same Billy that is making Audrey so crazy. One of these women is Tina’s daughter (the Tina that Audrey hates), and she recounts the last time she saw Billy, when he busted into her mother’s house bleeding from the nose and mouth and then ran out just as fast. Hmmm, Audrey had a dream about Billy bleeding in the exact same way. Then some woman named Lissie got on stage and started singing. It wasn’t the worst song in the world, but her performance didn’t captivate me like many of the previous songs had. When is Julee Cruise coming into town?
— I’m still trying to figure out if there is any supernatural significance to the scene with the window washer outside the FBI’s room. Gordon is clearly disturbed by the ordeal and the window washer makes some odd, furious motions with his squeegee. The first time I watched this scene, I thought it was funny. During my second viewing, I definitely felt a creepy vibe throughout.
— It’s odd that Andy was the one chosen to join the Fireman in the ‘other world’. I mean, no offense, but Andy is a nincompoop. The Fireman also chose to give the magical glove to Freddie, who doesn’t seem to be too inherently bright either. I’m sensing a pattern here…The Fireman has no idea what he is doing.
— Did anyone notice the neon Pabst Blue Ribbon sign in the Elk’s bar? Shades of Blue Velvet. I can’t imagine that David Lynch actually LIKES this beer though, right? He’s an artist and a Renaissance man. But then, he used to sing the praises of Bob’s Big Boy so hey, you never know.
— I’m still amazed that Gordon Cole is letting Diane hang out with the group, knowing that it’s very likely she is a mole. What’s to stop her from pulling out a gun and killing them all?
— While it was great to see David Bowie again, it just raised my expectations of seeing new footage with Bowie, which hasn’t happened yet. Come to think of it, there had been rumors of a few casting surprises in The Return. So far, I haven’t seen any of this come to fruition.
That’s it for part 14. There are just THREE WEEKS of Twin Peaks left, folks. I enjoyed this episode. It moved the plot forward nicely enough, but I was only slightly disappointed because I want a little more as we approach the finale. The individual scenes are engrossing, but I’ve had my fill of the meandering side trips we’ve been taking and I want to be on the edge of my seat like I was back in part 8. Four episodes left. I trust that Lynch is gonna pull this one off. Hang loose, Haoles, I’ll see you in a week! If you need me, I’ll be at the Elk’s Point Bar, drinking the Bloody Mary that Sarah Palmer never finished.