Twas the night before Christmas, and there on my screen
Was that HBO series, that stars Dafne Keene.
His Dark Materials Season 1, wow, what a ride
In a holy war, who knows which one’s the right side?
Young Lyra’s gone North, her father to find
Though at first glance, the guy’s gone A Beautiful Mind
His reunion with Lyra’s not like she had planned
When she headed with bears to the cold hinterland
He’s fixated on Dust, and the lights in the sky
For a parallel world you can see, if you try.
He rejects Lyra, she rejects his own name
Proving that two can play at that game
She’s come all this way to give him the alethiometer
Which he turns out to want no more than he wants her
Representing her father, she got it to work
Never knowing her father was kind of a jerk.
They talk about Dust, as Original Sin
And the portal he’s trying to blast his way in.
The energy needed to aid the endeavor
Is what happens when child and daemon you sever.
If he can prove Dust comes from somewhere quite other
Then we’re not to blame for the Sin of the Mother.
In fact (take this theory with a pinch of salt)
If it’s all from the Dust, it means nothing’s our fault!
Mrs. Coulter and Asriel, loves long divorced
Seem to represent the dark and light sides of the Force
They cannot be allies, they can’t be a friend
It’s a toss-up to who’s further gone round the bend
The Magisterium military, Mrs. Coulter affords
Despite how troops all resemble Sith Lords.
Asriel trying to seduce her, I found quite egregious
Him thinking his hotness can sway her allegiance
On this they agree though, when it comes to the slaughter
Of daemons from kids, they do not mean their daughter
Lyra and Pan can stay safe from her pop
But sadly, it’s Roger who’s getting the chop
She has one last evening with her friend and consort
Over sandwiches shared in a big blanket fort.
They think that they’re safe enough—nevertheless
Roger’s once again resident damsel in distress
Mrs. Coulter, for all of the evil she’s done
Still wants to love Lyra, and feel like her mom
Lord Asriel’s proving himself quite unsteady
And he looks like Sean Bean. Can we kill him already?
Meanwhile, Will on the run, on his way to the glen
Avoiding the cops and Lord Boreal’s men
He’s had to leave mum, and uproot his life
To lead the bad guys to a mystical knife
And while on the subject of Will and Black Hats
Could someone please explain his weird thing with cats?
If they keep showing up, to help or to guide,
Will the folk in the other world be button-eyed?
Lyra and bear cavalry show up too late
To save Roger and daemon from horrible fate.
She steps through the portal, prepared for a ride
Wondering what she’ll discover on the other side
What if Dust isn’t evil? What if they’re wrong?
What if her father’s been mad all along?
With big hero shots, in the Spielberg vein
She swears Roger’s death will have not been in vain.
And that’s where they leave us, the first saga done
Overall, I’d say this show has mostly been fun
And if I don’t stay tuned when they drop the next season
Clumsy writing will be the primary reason.
I hope that they fix it, I want to keep on
Since I worry so about Pantalaimon
But that’s all that I’ll say, and all that I’ll write.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!