Robert Stewart
I love ranking franchises! Even bad franchises.
And I think that’s what shocked me the most after my recent watch of the entire Alien franchise: it’s not particularly good. Whereas many of the classic horror franchises I’ve ranked to this point (Halloween, Friday the 13th, Child’s Play) tend to have a roller coaster like experience of highs and lows, the Alien series really falls on its face after 1986 and never really recovered.
My opinion, anyway!
But let’s see where this winding path through the franchise takes us, and how I’d order the movies from worst to best…
9. Alien: Resurrection
Dear Horror Franchises: Quit calling one of your entries Resurrection. It never works out.
I had high hopes for Alien: Resurrection for a few reasons before I started watching it. First, the cast is pretty outstanding, with Sigourney Weaver coming back yet again and stars like Winona Ryder and Ron Pearlman entering the Xenomorph fray. Also, Joss Whedon was the writer! This one almost had to be good, right?
Well, wrong, because the story to this one is a mess. We have a 200 year time jump, then the Weyland-Yutani Corporation FINALLY gets their hands on a Xenomorph by cloning the long-dead body of Ripley and pulling the alien queen out of her body. There is no follow-up explanation for why the cloned Ripley was still useful to them or allowed to live at that point. Pearlman and Ryder’s crew is brought in to sell some schmucks to the corp so they can breed aliens.
And then there is an alien/human hybrid at the end that looks terrible and makes no sense. Aren’t all the aliens we have seen so far alien/human hybrids?
This one was just a wildly unpleasant watch.
My rating: 1 / 5
8. Alien Vs Predator: Requiem
For an Alien Vs Predator movie, this isn’t a bad mid-2000’s CW drama. It is FULL of small town characters and teen love affairs, with the teens being played by actors that are clearing nearing 30. Who decided we needed this in our Alien OR Predator franchises?
This was just the most generic movie I can think of. Nothing stands out, and it feels like the hardest one to keep memories of now that the franchise watch is over. There are some Predators. Or maybe one Predator? I couldn’t keep track. And a bunch of aliens. And the Predator[s] fight the aliens all over Small Town, USA. But the action is covered up by bad lighting and worse cinematography, possibly because the director didn’t want anyone to see how rough it might all look. But what we can see is so basic and uninspired.
One the plus side of things, unlike its predecessor, this movie at least had the decency to go for an R rating, and it doesn’t hold back much, even killing a child early on.
And that’s really it.
My rating: 1.5 / 5
7. Prometheus
Prometheus – Official Trailer [TRUE HD]
Prometheus Teaser Trailer A Film by Ridley Scott ▸ More at https://www.facebook.com/Prometheus6812 – Even more at http://www.PrometheusForum.net http://www.PrometheusNews.net Blade Runner 2 http://www.BladeRunner2Movie.net Pacific Rim Movie http://www.PacificRimMovie.net Oblivion Movie http://www.OblivionMovie2013.com This Prometheus Trailer can also be found on the iTunes Movie Trailers site.
Prometheus is easily the most divisive movie in the Alien series, with some folks loving its addition to the lore and others bewildered as to what it thought it was doing. You can safely consider me part of the latter group of fans.
Never before has a movie tried to have its cake and eat it too as much as Prometheus. It wants to think it is philosophical and has something to say about mankind and our relationship to our origins, but it also wants to have a stereotypical crew of morons that want to pet the space cobra in a cheesy, stupid, sci-fi moment, or to have an idiot run in a straight line from a rolling spaceship for a goof. Any time the movie was in danger of actually feeling thought-provoking, some idiot would do something nonsensical, and the tonal clash all but blew me out of my living room.
I just… didn’t care about anything that was happening here. I didn’t care about the Engineers. I didn’t care about the one singular proto-Xenomorph we kind of end up with that doesn’t impact the plot at all. I watch these movies so I can see humans try to survive an alien terror. Not so I can see… honestly, whatever this flick was doing. Besides giving the ever-reliable Michael Fassbender some decent stuff to work with.
My rating: 1.75 / 5
6. Alien: Covenant
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Alien: Covenant slightly edges out its forefather in my opinion because this Alien movie had the common sense to FUCKING HAVE ALIENS IN IT, which is, at least, SOMETHING.
Still, this movie remains way too tied up in the mythos of where the Xenos came from, and Ridley Scott direly overestimated how much some of us (read: I) care about that.
I do like to imagine there was some dialogue between movies that went something like this…
“What was the best part of Prometheus, anyway?”
“Oh, Michael Fassbender!”
“What if we had more Michael Fassbenders in the sequel?”
“You mean more of him, like, more scenes with him?”
“No.”
And then they made Alien: Covenant. based entirely on that principle.
This movie also learned absolutely nothing from its forebearers and killed off one of the surviving protagonists between films by giving us some stupid “Oh yeah, Shaw? She just died; don’t worry about her” quick and dirty explanation as to where she ended up. Not that I loved Prometheus, but that flick did get me to end up caring a little about Shaw just for this flick to hand-wave her away.
My rating: 2 / 5
5. Alien3
ALIEN 3 Official Trailer (1992) Sigourney Weaver, David Fincher Movie HD
ALIEN 3 Official Trailer (1992) Sigourney Weaver, David Fincher Movie HD Ripley continues to be stalked by a savage alien, after her escape pod crashes on a prison planet. Director: David Fincher Writers: Dan O’Bannon (characters), Ronald Shusett (characters) Stars: Sigourney Weaver, Charles S. Dutton, Charles Dance
SPEAKING OF KILLING OFF YOUR PROTAGONISTS BETWEEN MOVIES!
Man, the unceremonious offings of Newt and Hicks between Aliens and Alien3 is simply unforgivable. I know the actress who played Newt would have aged substantially between movies, so bringing her back was always going to be a challenge, but between re-casting or simply saying there were cryo-pod shenanigans, it’s so easy to work around that. Instead, we get a dead Newt and a Ripley who basically goes “Oh, that’s unfortunate” and moves on pretty quickly.
In the interest of fairness, I will point out I saw the theatrical cut to this movie. I understand there is an “Assembly Cut” that some folks like more, but I don’t see how adding 30 more minutes would really fix this flick’s ills. Hopefully they use some of that runtime to have Ripley mourn Hicks and Newt appropriately.
Charles Dance is in this outing, and he’s doing really solid work until the picture murders him halfway through. As far as shock value deaths go, that one got me, but… I didn’t WANT him to die. And certainly not as early as he did. Charles S. Dutton is also here, and he’s doing solid work and makes it to the end.
Honestly, the story here KIND OF works. This one isn’t terrible. Even if Ripley has the longest gestating alien in the history of the franchise inside of her. It just isn’t good, either.
My rating: 2.25 / 5
4. AvP: Alien Vs Predator
AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004) Official Trailer #1 – Alien Movie HD
Subscribe to TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/sxaw6h Subscribe to COMING SOON: http://bit.ly/H2vZUn Subscribe to CLASSIC TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/1u43jDe Like us on FACEBOOK: http://goo.gl/dHs73 Follow us on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/1ghOWmt AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004) Official Trailer #1 – Alien Movie HD During an archaeological expedition on Bouvetøya Island in Antarctica, a team of archaeologists and other scientists find themselves caught up in a battle between the two legends.
Oh, PG-13 Alien movie. Whatever are we going to do with you?
Can you believe it is the 55 minute mark of this film before we see an Alien Versing a Predator? This entry takes WAY TOO LONG to get going. To be fair, though, the road to that point is not particularly bad. Lance Henrikson and Sanaa Lathan are engaging and likable stars in their roles here, and they carry the first near-hour of the movie without it feeling too cumbersome.
I mean… it’s SOME cumbersome. But not TOO cumbersome. You could still stand to have cut fifteen minutes from it; most easily Lathan’s character bit of saying “This is dangerous, I won’t do it”, then hemming and hawing for a while before changing her mind.
When we FINALLY get to the Xenos and the Yautja fighting each other, it’s actually a good pay-off, which is nice! The action here is FAR superior to what we would end up getting in Alien Vs Predator: Requiem, and that’s with the burden of a PG-13 rating over the R-rated outing!
I just wish we didn’t have to wait so long to get there.
My rating: 2.5 / 5
3. Alien: Romulus
Alien: Romulus | Official Trailer
“Alien: Romulus” takes the phenomenally successful “Alien” franchise back to its roots: While scavenging the deep ends of a derelict space station, a group of young space colonizers come face to face with the most terrifying life form in the universe.
I’ve written a whole review on Alien: Romulus from back when it came out, so if you want some extensive thoughts on this entry… here they are.
This is far and away the best Alien movie since 1986, though it’s still littered with flaws. It has some nonsense stuff at the beginning that rivals the stupidity of even Prometheus, and it has a frankly terrible ending that rivals Alien: Resurrection. But everything in between? Fairly rad.
My rating: 3.25 / 5
2. Alien
Alien Trailer HD (Original 1979 Ridley Scott Film) Sigourney Weaver
Classic Movie Trailers Subscribe to TRAILERS: http://bit.ly/sxaw6h Subscribe to COMINGSOON: http://bit.ly/H2vZUn Get pumped for Prometheus, watch the original trailer for ALIEN, remember in space no one can hear you scream! The commercial towing spaceship Nostromo is on a return trip from Thedus to Earth, hauling a refinery and twenty million tons of mineral ore, and carrying its seven-member crew in stasis.
Finally, some good fucking movies.
Yes, I have the one that started it all, Alien, as number two. I don’t think that’s wildly shocking, as it’s my experience that fans are pretty evenly split between this one and the next entry as to which is the king of the hill.
Alien is just so well made, and I have to point out the score–and sometimes even the film’s lack thereof. It’s used (or not used) masterfully to perfectly capture the tension in any given moment. The cast is impeccable, and they really feel like a ragtag group of blue collar workers who are in way over their heads when faced with a new breed of monster.
Ellen Ripley is one of the greatest characters in the realm of science-fiction, and she gets her origins in this movie. Her growth starting here and expanding across the next few outings is so delightful to watch.
I have some ticky-tacky issues with this movie, but nothing super noteworthy. I wish the ship our heroes are aboard wasn’t so spooky. It feels like the movie is cheating by creating an unrealistic atmosphere to enhance its mood. But that’s some minor stuff. Alien is great!
My rating: 4 / 5
1. Aliens
Aliens (1986) Trailer #1 | Movieclips Classic Trailers
Check out the official Aliens (1986) trailer starring Sigourney Weaver! Let us know what you think in the comments below. ► Buy or Rent on FandangoNOW: https://www.fandangonow.com/details/movie/aliens-1986/1MV7d594222b39cef2c95ff0c26bbaf59b8?ele=searchresult&elc=aliens&eli=0&eci=movies?cmp=MCYT_YouTube_Desc Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Michael Biehn, Carrie Henn Directed By: James Cameron Synopsis: Ellen Ripley is rescued by a deep salvage team after being hypersleep for 57 years.
The greatest action-horror movie ever made, bar none.
I don’t know that in the 1980’s, anyone could have seen this movie coming in the wake of Alien, but Aliens takes everything its predecessor did and just ramps it up to ten. More aliens! More drama! More action! More runtime! More betrayal! More, more, more! The addition of characters like Newt and Hicks and Vasquez and Hudson and Bishop and Burke even one-up the great cast from Alien.
Let me put it this way: I like Alien. I even really like Alien! But I LOVE Aliens. I don’t think there’s a scene you could cut or a minute you could lose. It all matters, and it all works. I could see how the excessive run time might be too much for some, but for me, it was perfect.
Aliens is a damn good flick. Was it possibly so good that it ruined the franchise’s ability to make respectable movies in its wake? Who knows? But it feels like this series has been chasing the high of this offering for the last 40 years. Maybe someday, they’ll catch it again.
My rating: 4.75 / 5
And that’s it for me in the wake of my having just watched all of these in the span of a little more than a week. But now it’s your turn: how would YOU rank the franchise? Let us know in the comments!
