JP Nunez
I’m a big fan of H. P. Lovecraft. His proclivity for esoteric cults, horrors beyond human description, and ancient creatures far older than mankind resonates with me on a deep level, so I’ll watch just about anything adapted from his works. In fact, I’m always on the lookout for great new Lovecraftian horror, so when I first heard about H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones, I was instantly intrigued. I couldn’t wait to check this movie out, and I was dying to see what eldritch horrors it had in store.
H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones was written and directed by Chad Ferrin, and it stars Kelli Maroney, Cyril O’Reily, Benjamin Philip, and Robert Miano. Unlike most films that start with a famous author’s name, this one isn’t a direct adaptation of any of H. P. Lovecraft’s works. Instead, it’s an amalgamation that combines bits and pieces from several of his stories into a brand-new tale of cosmic terror.
It’s about a man named Russel Marsh who was taken captive and possessed by one of the Great Old Ones back in 1930, and for the last 90 years or so, his entire existence has been held hostage. However, he’s managed to break free, and when his seemingly lifeless body is found by a kid named Gideon Gordon, Russel takes the boy on a whirlwind tour of unspeakable horrors as they race to send the old man back in time so he can keep his former self from ever encountering this great evil in the first place.
On paper, that sounds like a really cool idea for a horror movie, but unfortunately, the execution in H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones simply isn’t up to par. To begin, like most super-low-budget genre fare, the acting in this film is pretty mediocre. Just about the entire cast feels like actors reading lines rather than real people experiencing real-life terrors, so I had a tough time buying into this story.
The one exception here is Robert Miano, the actor who brings Russel Marsh to life. Miano plays the role with a seemingly effortless air of confidence and authority, so whenever this guy opens his mouth, it’s like a breath of fresh air. I enjoyed this performance quite a bit, so it’s hands down the best thing about the film.
However, one actor is usually not enough to save an entire movie. All-time greats like Bela Lugosi and Vincent Price could do it, but for mere mortals, that’s just too much to ask. And unfortunately, H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones is no exception. Granted, the film is by no means a train wreck, but on the whole, the bad in it easily outweighs the good.
For example, there’s a surprising amount of humor in this script, and while there are a few effective jokes here and there (my favorite one involves a heart in a to-go box), the majority of the comedy falls pretty flat. Now, I don’t know about you, but in my book, there are few things worse than unfunny humor. It can ruin a movie faster than just about any other flaw, so the lame jokes drag this film down a considerable amount.
But above all else, the biggest mistake H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones makes involves its horror. As our two main characters race to send Russel back in time, they come across several Lovecraftian terrors, and these are a really mixed bag. On the one hand, there are a couple of scenes with some super fun monster action, and I thought they were great.
Granted, the creatures often look like people wearing Halloween costumes from Party City, but you can’t knock H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones for its poor special effects. This is super-low-budget horror, so writer/director Chad Ferrin did the best he could with the money he had. And if you can cut him some slack in that department, I think you’ll have a lot of fun with these monsters.
But those creatures only show up in a couple of scenes, and the rest of the time, the terrors in this film are pretty lackluster. To take just one example, there’s a cult that chases Gideon and Russel the entire time, and they’re led by a Great Old One in the body of a police officer.
Now, that may sound cool in theory, but in practice, these villains are more laughable than anything else. For instance, the Great Old One’s voice is so distorted you can barely understand anything he says, and there are several scenes where these characters grimace and contort their faces in ways that call to mind the sillier moments in David Cronenberg’s Scanners (and not in a good way). I just had trouble taking this group seriously, so they took me out of the movie quite a bit every time they came on screen.
Most of the other Lovecraftian terrors in H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones are similarly uninspired, and that pretty much kills the experience. See, this movie is essentially just a bunch of big horror scenes held together by slower, more character-driven connective tissue, and since the acting is pretty weak, the film basically lives or dies on the strength of its horror scenes.
But they’re not very good either, so at the end of the day, I’m sad to say that you should probably give H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones a pass. It’s not all bad, but there’s simply not enough good in here to make the film worth your while. The poor characters, ineffective humor, and weak horror just drag it down way too much, so if you’re looking for something good to watch, you’re not going to find it here.
H. P. Lovecraft’s The Old Ones is set to hit VOD on March 19.
